Puck’s Blog

Bad movie alert! For those thinking to go see Uwe “I Make Shitty Movies” Boll’s new flick “Alone In The Dark”, please don’t. RottenTomatoes.com is already showing a 2% positive rating and the reviews are absolutely ghastly. Apparently it’s not even “so bad it’s good” it’s just awful.

Here are a few of my favorites.

“I didn’t see director Uwe Boll’s zombie dud House of the Dead, but on the evidence of Alone in the Dark, he belongs in the pantheon of hopelessly inept directors.”
– Lawrence Toppman, CHARLOTTE OBSERVER

“Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.”
– Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE

“As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality.”
– Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

“On the short list of Worst Movies Ever Made.”
– Walter Chaw, FILM FREAK CENTRAL

Why do I care? Because I *loved* the original Alone in the Dark computer game. It was stylish Lovecraftian horror that made me literally frightened to play it. The puzzles were fun, the background and story were interesting and you were actually alone throughout the game. When the director of the movie “Alone In The Dark” insists on filling scenes with squads of soldiers shouting and a love interest (Tara Reid as a scientist in one of Hollywood’s worst casting choices ever) he’s proven that he’s so inept he can’t even grasp the concept of one of the words in his film’s title, much less how to create an enjoyable film.

And please, I know a lot of my friends will want to see this to see just how bad it is, but for the love of cinema, stop rewarding Hollywood for releasing crap.